Abstract
M.A.
The Nice Guy Paradox is a provocative perception that is commonly expressed within society and the mass media. According to this perception, nice guys are less successful in their relationships with women than other men. The Nice Guy Paradox causes much frustration and confusion for self-proclaimed nice guys. In addition, the implications of this perception may negatively influence the way in which men relate to women. For instance, the Nice Guy Paradox implies that if men want to be successful with women, they should not be nice guys.
In the last 15 years, a few psychological studies have opted to focus on the Nice Guy Paradox. These studies are almost all quantitative in nature. In fact, a literature search only found one small qualitative study devoted to this topic. Most of the existing research on the Nice Guy Paradox attempts to answer the question “Do nice guys really finish last?” in the absence of exploratory research aimed at better understanding this perception. For this reason, most existing research on the Nice Guy Paradox can be argued to be somewhat presumptuous and its usefulness in trying to understand this phenomenon is questionable.
In an attempt to compensate for the shortcomings of existing research on the Nice Guy Paradox, this study endeavors to capture the unique experience of this social phenomenon through the utilization of a phenomenological method of inquiry. In this way, this research attempts to yield a fresh and foundational understanding of the Nice Guy Paradox.
Three female university students were sourced and interviewed for the purposes of this study. These participants had all had relationship experience, as well as experience of the Nice Guy Paradox at the time of the interviews. In order to obtain optimally rudimentary experiences of the Nice Guy Paradox, open-ended interviews were conducted. The interviews were transcribed verbatim and non-verbal cues were indicated where necessary. These transcriptions constitute the raw data of the study. They were analyzed using a specific phenomenological, stepwise method.
The data analysis produced central themes that were discussed in relation to literature findings in order to consolidate their validity and to position the findings of this study in relation to existing theory and research. On the basis of these central themes, an essential structure of the participants’ experiences of the Nice Guy Paradox was synthesized. According to this structure, the nice guys referred to by the Nice Guy Paradox characteristically lack confidence, try too hard to please women and are submissive in relationships. These men are mistreated and rejected by women for the following reasons. Firstly, nice guys allow themselves to be mistreated because of their submissive tendencies. Secondly, relationships with these men are not challenging and exciting. Thirdly, women find nice guy characteristics irritating and frustrating. Fourthly, nice guys lack certain characteristics including dominance, strength, physical attractiveness, confidence, leadership and social status, which women find attractive.
Also according to this structure, the Nice Guy Paradox applies more strongly to younger people than older people. In addition, niceness in isolation is a desirable trait in a man. However, the other nice guy characteristics are unattractive to women.
This research holds value since it constitutes the first comprehensive phenomenological, insight-orientated study on the Nice Guy Paradox. On the basis of the new understanding that this study yields, recommendations with regard to practical application have been put forward. In addition, suggestions for future research have been provided.